There is one day each year in which the number of extramarital affairs soars significantly. Contrary to popular opinions, it is not the day men turn 40 and chose to run off with their 20-year old secretary. It is not near the end of a long year when a husband is off to war. It isn’t even on New Years Eve when the consumption of alcohol joins with resolutions to make significant changes in life. No, it is in fact, the day after we pause as a nation to celebrate the miracle of love by paying homage to St. Valentine. The data comes from a highly controversial website called Ashley Madison which exists to connect dissatisfied spouses with other dissatisfied spouses. A Craigslist service for those interested in committing adultery. Currently, the website has over 8 million users, with an additional 25,000 new users joining daily. That number skyrockets the day after Valentines Day. The rationale, according to some sociologists, is that Valentine’s Day, with its obvious focus on love, only serves to highlight the obvious flaws in many peoples’ relationships. After the letdown, people chase greener pasture. The fact that adultery has become so widely acceptable in our culture that a company like Ashley Madison can advertise their services on public websites and billboards, is a topic for this blog all on its own. But today, I wanted to ponder instead the hidden story behind what will be happening, if Ashley Madison is correct, around the world within 24 hours, in quantities that eclipse any other day of the year. In his book “When Sinners Say I Do” Dave Harvey suggests,
“If you are married, or soon to be married, you are discovering that your marriage is not a romance novel. Marriage is the union of two people who arrive totting the luggage of life. And that luggage always includes sin. Often it gets opened right there on the honeymoon, sometimes it waits for the week after. But the suitcases are always there, sometimes tripping their owners, sometimes popping open unexpectantly and disgorging forgotten contents.”
A wise friend of mine once told me “Marriage is the belt-sander of sanctification.” In my own 15 years of matrimony, I agree. I have never experienced anything else that exposed my selfishness, vices and unrealistic fantasies more than my marriage. I feel I can speak rather accurately for my wife when I share that the above statement has been equally true for her as well because her spouse of choice has forced her to pursue unreal levels of patience, grace, forgiveness and has helped her to come to grips with what it means to live with disappointment and unmet needs. Over half of the marriages in America don’t make it. I am now at that age in my life when, in the last month alone, I have heard the saddening news that friends of ours in two separate marriages are throwing in the towel. Some would say that there is a need for people to grasp how difficult marriage is. I would raise the bar a bit higher. In my own experience, and by the statistics of success, marriage is one of the most impossible endeavors humans can attempt. It is the reason why it has to be built on more than emotion, romance, compatibility, or great sex (although, for the record, there is really no reason why great sex should necessarily be absent). Marriage is a covenant, entered into with sacred symbols and vows. Promises that explicitly state that when you completely let me down, I am not going anywhere. “In sickness and health, in wealth and poverty…until death do us apart.” And with those final words, you commit to spending your life with another sinner, and that is, quite simply, one of the greatest gifts God could ever give us. As Dave Harvey reminds us, “We must not ignore our sin, because it is the very context where the gospel shines brightest.”
Happy Valentines Day. Celebrate your significant other today and let them know exactly how much you appreciate the way in which they have shown you your need for a Savior. You certainly won’t find joy in the arms of another sinner. Love the sinner God has given you and commit afresh today to keep the belt-sander plugged in.
